This morning I finished my third straight month of writing every single day. Since the 4th of March every one of those journal entires has been on the 750 Words site and has been at least 750 words. This week I passed 70,000 words since joining that site. So on the one hand I’ve been writing a great deal lately. On the other hand it’s been over a month since I wrote anything here. It’s been almost 2 months since I uploaded anything to flickr. This is another gap between production and publication as I just looked and I’ve taken about 600 pictures since then. That’s actually a little light for the amount of time for me but it isn’t nothing. I’ve shared some of those pictures on Facebook but actually not all that many. I haven’t been updating my activity and opinion on twitter all that much either. I don’t know if I’ve grown lazy or weary or what. I’ve been active lately. I’ve been creative. I just haven’t felt like doing the next step I guess. I haven’t been processing my pictures with very much regularity.
Today feels different. This morning feels more like a fresh start. I did my morning pages but I also went and started working on a new set of to-do lists on Toodledo. And here I am back on my blog. Now my creative productivity going in ebbs and flows is nothing new. What is striking about today is what time of the year it’s happening. Normally I go through creative hibernation in the Summer. Summer is not my favorite time of the year. The world gets brighter and hotter and both of those things just make me want to hide away somewhere and wait for it to pass. It is rare that I write more than a few journal entries a month between the end of April and the beginning of October. I’m a fall and winter person. The silliest thing about this comment is that I live in the Bay Area so none of these seasons are really all that different from the others. I’m just overly sensitive to changes in time and temperature I think.
But here I am. On Memorial Day (which truth be told is cold and foggy in Pacifica) and I’m looking back on my most productive period of journalling in at least five years. I finally signed up for a 43 Things account and am thinking about goals and the future. I’m going to upload some of my pictures today and most importantly I’m going to stop feeling guilty about…well I’m going to just try to stop feeling guilty.
That’s what I’ve been writing about lately. This last week has been very trying on my personal life. People I love have been hurt and are hurting and while I’m not responsible for all the feelings being bandied around I have been the center of it. It has been difficult but I’ve been trying not to fall into my old pattern of crippling guilt. I’m trying to just be me. The best me I know how to be. I’m trying to fix what I can, learn from what I can and move on. This feels new and not a little liberating. It’s in this space that I’m taking on this summer. With an eye towards creation and less guilt and more true empathy in my heart.
LACview 